Do you feel like no matter what you say to acknowledge your child’s feelings, it doesn’t help? You say sympathetically, "You're feeling angry right now" or “You wish you could watch another episode” and instead of calming down, they scream, cry harder, lash out or run away.

When all the positive parenting guidance is telling you to name feelings and hold space, it can be confusing when it backfires.

"She won't let me leave the room before she's asleep." "I had to carry him the whole time." "He hates holding my hand to cross the road."

Whenever I hear myself or a client using phrases like this, I pause. They're clues as to who's holding the power in these situations.

Parents often tell me in our first conversation that they’ve been following conscious parenting accounts for some time. There are some brilliant resources out there - you’ll find a handy list here - and as a parent myself I’ve gained so much from that daily drip feed of positive parenting.

Here are some of our most commonly overheard phrases at home. Yes they get forgotten for days at a time but the more I practise the more second nature they become.

Can you remember a teacher in your life who you absolutely adored? One you wanted to work hard for, and who supported you through good times and bad? For those of us lucky enough to have experienced this in childhood, it perfectly illustrates a core principle of what I call relational parenting: A secure attachment to a caregiver fosters good behaviour.

No parent sets boundaries perfectly every time. You start off with a well-meaning "Of course you can" and before you know it you're negotiating a second ice cream, the next episode, "Can I get the paints out?" ten mins before you need to leave.

It all begins with an idea.Many of us were raised on a diet of good manners and good grades. And for some, that might have been at the cost of feeling safe to really be ourselves and make mistakes.

If we have a tendency to please others, it can be intimidating to be in the presence of someone who can express themselves genuinely and confidently.

I really struggled to put my daughter to bed last night. Just when I thought she was drifting off, she ripped her nappy off, grabbed the monitor and threw it on the floor. I could feel my anxiety spike and was seconds from losing my temper.