Struggling to Hold Boundaries around Treats and Screentime? Try this.
No parent sets boundaries perfectly every time. You start off with a well-meaning "Of course you can" and before you know it you're negotiating a second ice cream, the next episode, "Can I get the paints out?" ten mins before you need to leave.
We let things get too far when we miss the signs that our limit is being reached.
Very often we're just as cross with ourselves as with our child, and it comes out as projection: "YOU'VE JUST WATCHED THE WHOLE OF MOANA NO YOU CAN'T HAVE MORE TV. WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO PLAY OUTSIDE?"
Giving kids treats and screentime is part of positive parenting. Using anger and punishments to manage the limits isn't.
What our child needs from us when things have gone too far:
A quick self check-in to breathe. Commit to reflecting on this later. Tell yourself no one is to blame here.
Channeling calm energy, say "You know what, this isn't working for me. Here's what's going to happen." Announce next steps with a clear voice.
Support your child's feelings about the limit: "You're disappointed because I said no to more crisps. Does that feel unfair to you?" Listen to your child's protests with "Mmm that's hard. It's ok to be upset," without needing to over-explain your decision or offer something else to calm them down. Your warm presence is enough.
We can always get better at redirecting things BEFORE our line is crossed, but some situations will inevitably end up like this. Give yourself permission to disappoint your child in order to be the confident leader they're asking for in those moments
